Cowboy Redeemed Read online

  “While I’m enjoying a helluva view, I think your bacon is burning.”

  Ainsley smacked his shoulder and laughed. “You’re not supposed to be looking down my top.”

  “That would be like giving a deaf man his hearing and telling him not to listen. Bacon, Ains. Burning.”

  “Oh. Right.” Of course. Throw a set of breasts in front of him, no matter who they belonged to, and he’d pay attention. Normal male behavior, sure. But it reminded Ainsley of the fleeting nature of their … whatever the heck they were doing. Having sex, maybe becoming friends, not having a relationship.

  Bacon popped and sizzled, warranting her attention. She pulled the frying pan from the burner. Hot grease jumped, dotted tiny pinpricks along her forearm as she set the pan aside. She picked up a fork and started removing the slices. “I hope you like your bacon crisp.”

  “I like bacon, period. The crisper the better, in my opinion. While I appreciate the effort, you didn’t have to cook for me. It’s early. You should still be tucked into bed.”

  “It should be a crime to get up before the sun on a Saturday, but I have chores to do too. Besides, I’ve never had anyone to cook for before. It’s nice,” she admitted softly.

  “Maybe someday you’ll have a house full of kids running around. You might change your mind about how much you love to cook then. Me and my brothers and sisters ate pretty much ’round the clock growing up. Drove my mom nuts.”

  Ainsley’s heart fluttered at the idea of becoming a mom. The idea both thrilled her and scared the living shit out of her.

  “If I’ve got a house full of kids, the husband who filled my belly with them better be prepared to help. I won’t have a man who thinks it’s okay to take his pleasure and not love and care for the results.” She’d seen too much pain and heartbreak to invite it into her own home. “I’m sure your dad helped out when your mom needed a break, right?”

  “He did. Although he can’t really cook worth a damn. He could whip up a platter of ham and cheese sandwiches like nobody’s business, though. They make a good team, my parents. Each stepping up for the other when needed. They put each other first, even before us kids.”

  “You never resented them for that?”

  “Hell no. The home is only as strong as its foundation. Their happiness together was evident in how they loved and raised us.”

  “All children should be so lucky. I won’t accept anything less for mine.”

  Clay’s jaw clenched. His gaze flared with an emotion she didn’t understand before he returned to doctoring his foot. He finished quickly and went to the sink to wash his hands.

  Ainsley filled their plates, wondering at the sudden tension in the room. She set the plates on the table, and turned to the coffeepot. By the time Clay resumed his seat, she was ready to join him.

  “I’m sorry about your foot. Is it okay?”

  “Just a scratch. It’ll be fine.”

  For the first time since they’d met, an awkward silence descended.

  He’d been the one to bring up kids. Had he thought she’d have them by immaculate conception? That she wouldn’t expect the same loving commitment she was prepared to give? His reaction to her husband comment didn’t make any sense. It’s not as if she’d been talking about him. Although he would make gorgeous children.

  Nothing could stop the fantasy from playing out in her head. A brood of rough and tumble boys and strong-willed girls with Clay’s dark coloring and her aqua eyes. His devilish smile. Her independent nature.

  Shit.

  “You’re meeting Pax this morning?” She attempted to break the tension.

  “Yeah. He’s meeting me at my place along with Colt and Dakota.”

  “Those the guys you were with last weekend?”

  He nodded. “We’ve been friends since grade school. Colt’s the vet around here. I’m surprised you haven’t met him.”

  “Thank goodness I haven’t had a need for his services. I’m sure those days are coming to an end soon.” One way or another. “And Dakota … he’s the bull rider, right?”

  “A damn good one too, when he’s not all banged up.”

  “How bad’s he hurt?” Ainsley was suddenly grateful Clay wasn’t into that kind of thing. Oh god, he wasn’t, was he? “Please tell me you don’t ride.”

  “Not me. My riding is limited to horses, motorized vehicles, and beautiful women.” He offered her a wink. “As for Dakota, he busted his leg along with a couple of ribs. He’s rehabbing. Stubborn jackass will be back on the bull before we know it.”

  Ainsley tried to ignore the inference she was one of the many women in his life. “I’d like to see it sometime. You know … your place. Where you live.”

  Clay glanced at her, and then resumed eating as if she hadn’t spoken, his expression pensive.

  “No pressure,” she said. “I mean, you always come here and I don’t mind at all, but I assume you live closer to Shadow Maverick. You might get to sleep longer if I stayed at your place once in a while.” And she was rambling. “Or not. I don’t mean to assume we should spend every night together. You might have other…” God, what was wrong with her?

  He released his fork with a clank. “Other what, Ainsley?” He cursed softly. “Other women?”

  He’d read her mind. Damn it. It was so fucking confusing, having him here. In her bed, in her life. She’d grown accustomed to him. It scared her how aware of him she was even when he wasn’t close. It was too much, too soon. Too easy to let her emotions create expectations he wouldn’t want any part of.

  “Why not? I don’t have any claim on you.”

  His strange expression was back. “Is that what you want?”

  Lord almighty, this wasn’t the way she’d intended their breakfast to go. Butterflies exploded in her stomach, and she looked away. The thought of him touching another woman made her want to vomit, but what did she have to offer him? Clay had a strong, loving relationship with his family. He took pride in continuing the legacy of Shadow Maverick Ranch. Hell, he could probably trace his roots back hundreds of years.

  Ainsley couldn’t trace her roots to the corner store. Not to mention her legacy was hemorrhaging cash like a busted water pipe. It would be selfish of her to tell him yes, she did want exclusive rights to everything he had to give, when she couldn’t offer him half in return.

  Thankfully, he didn’t press for an answer. He pushed his plate away and changed the subject instead. “I’m headed to Galveston with the guys today. Pax’s girlfriend, Reese, has a friend who has a house there. The recent storms caused some damage to her roof. I offered to help with the repairs. I’m not sure when we’ll be back.”

  “I hope for her sake the damage isn’t too bad.” Ainsley collected their plates and carried them to the sink. Her brain knew they didn’t—shouldn’t—have to spend every night together. Her body wasn’t so logical. Her bed would feel empty without him beside her. “Do what you need to do. I’ve neglected things around here that need attention, so I’ll be busy anyway.” She had a meeting with her second-in-command, followed by fixing a section of fence she noticed down during their last ride.

  “What’s going on with you this morning?”

  Excellent question. She wished she knew. Her emotions were foreign … so confused and needy. Two things she refused to be. “Nothing.”

  “Have I worn out my welcome? You want me out of your bed?”

  She spun around. “What? No.”

  There was the crux of her problem. She wanted him more than she had a right. Until the mess of her life was sorted, she needed to keep a lid on all the feelings he provoked.

  He slid his chair back and patted his thigh. “Come over here, baby.”

  Feeling ridiculous, Ainsley shuffled close enough for him to pull her onto his lap. Strong arms enveloped her waist and she leaned against him. “I’m sorry.”

  He kissed her forehead. “What for?”

  “For being such a girl, I guess.” She’d never been such an emotional b
asket case before. It set off all kinds of warning bells in her head. She needed to focus. Keep it about the sex and the friendly companionship they had—while they had it.

  “Don’t ever apologize for that, baby. In case you haven’t noticed, I like the fact you’re a girl.” He lifted her chin until she looked at him. “I don’t know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, but you can talk to me if there’s something bothering you.”

  “I’m good, really.” She captured his bottom lip, suckled it until he groaned and pulled back.

  “Nice distraction technique, Ains. If I didn’t have to go, it might’ve even worked.” He stood, holding her against him until she found her footing. “You feel like going out tonight? We could head over to Slick’s. Have a bite to eat, a few drinks?”

  “Sure, okay. Should I meet you there, or do you want to pick me up?”

  “It’s customary for the man to pick up his girl when they have a date. Give me until about eight, okay?”

  He kissed her, slow and easy. “Thanks for breakfast.” He stared down at her as though he had more to say. Heart in her throat, she waited him out. Finally, he nodded once and let her go. “Tonight then. Enjoy your day, baby.”

  As she watched him leave, Ainsley had the feeling their conversation was far from over.

  Chapter Eleven

  By the time they got to Slick’s, the Saturday night crowd was in full swing and Clay was starving.

  Ainsley had been quiet on the way into town, alerting him the storm from this morning hadn’t passed. Not so much on his part either. She was trying to pull away from him; he could feel it. What he didn’t know was why.

  The idea Ainsley thought he’d fuck other women while he was actively pursuing her stuck in his craw. He’d willingly admit he hadn’t lived like a saint. But Jesus Christ, did she really believe he was that big of an asshole?

  Where the hell had he gone wrong?

  Oh gee, perhaps the part where you’ve been lying to her?

  Clay slammed down hard on that train of thought.

  How he felt about Ainsley wasn’t a goddamned lie. Nothing about what they’d shared between them was a lie. He kept his motives for checking out her property quiet to protect her. If his plan worked, she’d thank him. If not, she’d never be the wiser, never feel the disappointment.

  Oh, the irony.

  He expected Ainsley to trust him, to open up, talk to him, and he hadn’t given her the same courtesy. It was too soon to commit to anything long-term, but Clay knew what he wanted. Had since the first moment he’d spotted her. Following his instincts had served him well, and everything about Ainsley had his brain shouting mine! He figured he’d keep that little tidbit to himself for a bit, but easing her mind about who he’d share a bed with seemed imperative.

  He glanced around the packed bar and realized the conversation would have to wait a little longer.

  His name being hollered drew his attention and he raised a hand to Dakota. He’d mentioned bringing Ainsley out tonight, and it appeared the whole gang had decided to crash.

  Ainsley stiffened at his side. “You didn’t mention we were meeting people.”

  “Not just people, Ains. Friends and family. The big guy in the black hat is my brother Pax. His girl, Reese is the redhead next to him. My sister Erin is the dark headed one. She and Gavin are twins, by the way.” He let the information sink in before he continued. “Anyway, her husband, Trevor, is the guy in the white hat next to her. You’ve seen Dakota and Colt, but Dak’s the one who looks like he stepped off the reservation.”

  Ainsley looked like she was about to run. He laced their fingers. “Don’t look so panicked. I promise they won’t bite. And if we’re gonna keep doing this—”

  “We aren’t doing anything.”

  Clay tightened his hold on her hand and stopped, forcing her to do the same. “The hell we aren’t.”

  Her cheeks flushed. “I mean besides messing around.”

  Maybe they’d have that conversation now after all. His frustration flung words out of his mouth. “If this was only about fuckin’, you wouldn’t have seen me beyond the first night.”

  Harsh, but true.

  “Oh, right. I’ve heard the rumors. You’re not big on repeat performances. Hell, there’s probably not a woman in this bar that hasn’t seen the warm side of your sheets.”

  What. The. Shit?

  His usually dormant temper stretched its legs as she tried to jerk from his grasp. Fuck that. It was time they came to an understanding. “Don’t, Ainsley. You walked away from me the last time we were here. Don’t think I’ll let you do it again.”

  He pulled her into the hallway leading to the restrooms, away from curious stares. “What the hell is this about?” he demanded, turning into her. “The attitude during breakfast and now this? If you’ve got something to say, Ainsley, say it.”

  Her mouth formed a thin, mutinous line. She glared at him, her eyes glassy with what he suspected were unshed tears.

  Regret softened his voice. “You want me to tell you you’re the only woman in this bar I’ve slept with? I’m sorry, Ainsley. I can’t do that. Let me remind you, you weren’t a virgin the first time I took you. You think I like knowing there might be a man here, right now, who’s been between your thighs? Pisses me the fuck off, if you wanna know the truth.”

  He backed her into the wall, leaning in until the familiar scent of oranges tickled his nostrils. He breathed her in, filling his senses with the feel, the smell of her.

  “We both have pasts we can’t do anything about. I won’t apologize for how I lived before I met you. This is a small town. I’ve lived here my whole life. Nothing I can do about that. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done.” For crying out loud, the woman had him in knots. His hands shook. His stomach rolled as he waited for something, anything, from her.

  “Look at me, Ainsley.” He waited until she gave up trying to resist and glanced up through those thick, sexy lashes. God, her defiant gleam did something to his insides. Hardened his outsides, too.

  He pressed his hips forward, letting her feel the effect she had on him.

  “If it makes you feel any better, you’re the only woman I’ve woken up with. And while we’re on the subject, let me be real clear. You’re the one I want. You’re the only one I want. And in case you missed it, that’s me saying you do have a claim on me.”

  He felt the change in her immediately. Her spine softened. Her hands settled at his waist a moment before he let his hands drop to her shoulders. She bunched his T-shirt until the warmth of her fingers brushed against his skin. She always did that, he realized. Lifted his shirt just enough to tease along the waistband of his jeans. As though she couldn’t stand to touch him through a barrier of cotton.

  “I don’t know how to do this.”

  The vulnerability in her voice killed him. “Do what, sweetheart?”

  “Meet your family and friends. Act like a couple. What if they don’t like me?”

  He was such a jackass. Ainsley had been alone for so long, he should’ve considered how overwhelming it would be for her to be thrown into his circle without warning.

  “They’ll like you, baby. And we don’t have to act. We’ve spent every non-working hour together for days. Same thing, only tonight we’ve got beer and other people around. And we aren’t naked,” he added to lighten the atmosphere.

  He snaked a hand under her hair and cupped the back of her neck, relieved as the tension between them receded. “Let’s just relax. Have a good time.”

  Finally, a smile. “Relax. Got it.”

  “It’s not as though my family are strangers. You’ve already met Gavin and Lauren.”

  She stuttered a husky laugh. “Not the greatest example to use if you’re trying to convince me things will be fine. I’m sure you’ve heard about my meetings with Gavin. I haven’t given him much reason to like me. Why should the others?”

  “Because I do.” He couldn’t stand it anymore. He kissed her, gently p
arted her lips and drew her in. As her tongue rolled over his, Clay almost wished they’d stayed in tonight. Wished he could strip her naked and lose himself in the warmth of her body.

  He wanted to make things right with her. Wanted to erase the hurt he’d seen in her eyes. Wanted to show her she wasn’t alone anymore.

  He eased out of the kiss. “You’ve hung out with friends before, right?”

  “I’ve never had close friends. I’ve hung out with co-workers and casual acquaintances, but—”

  “No buts. This is no different.”

  “Feels different,” she mumbled.

  He bit back a grin. His tough little wildcat was adorable when she was unsure.

  “We’ll play it by ear. If you’re uncomfortable or have had enough, give me a signal and we’ll be outta here.”

  “Promise?”

  “Sure, baby. For you, anything.”

  ***

  How Ainsley ended up sitting as far away from Clay as possible was beyond her. Once the introductions had been made, Reese slid one seat over and patted the chair she’d just vacated, leaving Ainsley no choice but to take the spot between Reese and Erin.

  Clay shook his head and chuckled as the two women waved him off to get another pitcher of beer and order them a couple of burgers.

  She could do this. She knew how to relate to people. She’d been a bartender for crying out loud. A couple of women shouldn’t be a big deal.

  Except these women were important to Clay. For reasons she wasn’t willing to think about, it made how they perceived her a significant deal.

  “So Ainsley, how long have you and Clay been seeing each other?”

  Reese was nothing short of a ray of sunshine with her sun-kissed hair, yellow sleeveless dress, and enthusiastic smile. Ainsley warmed to her immediately.

  “A week, I guess.” Hard to believe it hadn’t been months. Years.

  The thought of keeping their relationship about sex had been left to rot in that back hallway. It scared her how badly she wanted what he offered. Not forever, but a chance at … more. It was unfair to both of them for her to be greedy with her future being unclear. But as he kissed her, Ainsley knew it was far too late to save herself. She was in over her eyeballs.